Queenky's Blog: development

Picture this: You're at a family gathering. Your sister approaches with her 2-year-old—you haven't seen them in 6 months. You crouch down and ask the child, "Do you know who I am?"

"Yes!" comes the confident reply.

Your heart melts. Then you start chatting, asking questions, and it becomes painfully obvious this child has zero idea who you are.

If you've felt that mix of confusion and mild frustration when a toddler confidently answers "yes" to something they clearly don't understand or know, here's what's actually happening—and how to work with it instead of against it.

They're Answering a Different Question

When a toddler says "yes," they're often answering a completely different question than the one they were asked.

You asked: "Do you know who I am?"
They heard: "Do you want me to tell you who I am?"

And to that question, "yes" is absolutely the right answer. They're saying, "Yes, I want to know!"

This isn't confusion—it's sophisticated communication. They understand that questions lead to information, and they want that information.

"Yes" Is the Smart Social Answer

For toddlers, "yes" also carries emotional intelligence:

It keeps conversations going
It makes adults happy
It feels socially correct
It's the safe choice when uncertain

From their perspective, "yes" opens doors while "no" might shut them down.

Why Adults Get Frustrated (And Why We Shouldn't)

We're Testing Instead of Connecting

When we ask "Do you know who I am?" we're essentially giving a pop quiz. But toddlers aren't hearing a test—they're hearing an invitation to learn something new.

The frustration comes from mismatched expectations:

Adult expectation: They should recognize me and give accurate information
Toddler reality: They want to engage and learn, regardless of current knowledge

These Situations Stress Kids Out

Here's the toddler's experience: They gave what felt like the perfect answer ("Yes, tell me!"), but suddenly the adult seems upset and instead of more information , they are given the 3rd degree.

Is it any wonder kids don't understand why their enthusiastic response has created tension?

How to Work With This Reality

Skip the Quiz, Start with Connection

Replace: "Do you know who I am?"
With: "Hi! I'm Uncle Mike, your daddy's brother. I haven't seen you in so long!"

Replace: "Do you remember what we did yesterday?"
With: "Yesterday we went to the park and you loved the swings. Want to tell me about your favorite part?"

When You Need Actual Information

If you genuinely need to know what your toddler knows, ask specific questions:

"What's my name?" instead of "Do you know my name?"
"Show me the red block" instead of "Do you know which one is red?"
"Tell me about the dog we saw" instead of "Do you remember the dog?"

Recognize Their Communication Style

When a toddler keeps saying "yes" to everything, they're often communicating:

"I want to keep talking with you"
"I want to learn more"
"I like this interaction"
"Please tell me the answer"

What This Reveals About Development

This "yes" response shows toddlers understand complex concepts:

Questions usually lead to interesting information
Positive responses keep interactions going
Adults appreciate engagement
Communication is about connection, not just facts

Your toddler's enthusiastic "yes" to questions they can't answer demonstrates they're mastering the social aspects of communication—arguably the most important part.

Key Takeaways for Stress-Free Interactions

Understanding this dynamic transforms your expectations:

Their "yes" often means "tell me more"
Skip the testing—lead with information
This shows intelligence, not confusion
Focus on connection over correctness
The stress is unnecessary for everyone

The next time a toddler confidently says "yes" to something they clearly don't understand, remember: they might just be saying, "Yes, I'd love to know!"

And honestly? That's a pretty wonderful response to life.

Related Posts:

There's a moment every parent knows well: You're watching your child do something that makes absolutely no sense. Maybe they're confidently saying "yes" to a question they clearly don't understand, or sneaking around to do something you probably would have allowed anyway.

Your first instinct? "Why are they being so difficult?"

Here's the realization that changed everything for me: My kids weren't being difficult. They're being completely logical within their own framework.

The problem isn't their behavior—it's that we're interpreting their actions through our adult lens instead of learning how they actually see the world.

Every "Difficult" Behavior Has Hidden Logic

Let me show you what I mean with real examples:

The toddler who says "yes" to everything: When they are asked "Do you know who I am?" and they confidently say "Yes!"—then clearly don't know — they're not confused. They heard a different question entirely. While you quizzed their memory and recognition, they heard "Do you want me to tell you who I am?" And yes, they absolutely do want to know.

The child who sneaks instead of asking: They're not being disrespectful. They're doing risk - reward assessment using faulty assumptions. From their perspective: "Mom will probably say no. If I ask and she says no, I definitely can't do it. If I don't ask and don't get caught, I can do it. So I just won't get caught."

The confusing questions: When your child asks "Where did I come from?" and you launch into reproduction, only for them to look at you funny, not appreciating your effort. Well, maybe they were asking about geography— what hospital they were born in— so your perfect answer doesn't match their actual question.

The parenting advice that backfires: When expert strategies fail with your child, maybe it's not because you're doing it wrong or your child is difficult. It could be that the advice simply isn't the right fir to your child's specific logic system.

The Detective Shift That Changes Everything

Once I understood that my children's behavior almost always made sense from their perspective, everything changed. Instead of asking "How do I fix this?" I started asking "What is this telling me about how my child sees the world?". Well, at least some of the time.

This transformed me from a disciplinarian into a detective. And here's the beautiful part: when I started to understand my children's' logic, solutions become obvious.

The Four Keys to Your Child's Code

1. They're working with limited information
Children create logical systems based on incomplete data. What looks irrational to us makes perfect sense within their understanding.

2. We shouldn't make assumptions about their motivations
Most "difficult" behavior isn't about testing boundaries. It's children doing what makes sense within their world view.

3. It's better to ask clarification questions before jumping in
When your child does something confusing, resist the urge to immediately react. Investigate their perspective first.

4. Respect for their individual logic system is imperative
Your child's thinking might be different from yours, their siblings', or parenting books. That doesn't make it wrong—it makes it theirs.

What This Looks Like in Practice

When you adopt this mindset, everyday interactions transform:

Instead of: "No, you don't know who I am"
Try: "Hi! I'm Uncle Mike, your daddy's brother"
Details: Understanding Toddler "Yes" Responses
Instead of: "Why didn't you ask permission?"
Try: "You already have the no in your pocket— you might as well ask for a yes"
Details: Why Kids Sneak Around
Instead of: Immediate detailed explanations
Try: "What made you curious about that?"
Details: The Power of Asking Questions Back

The Long-Term Impact

When you approach your child's behavior with curiosity rather than frustration:

They feel understood instead of constantly corrected
Communication improves because they know you're listening
Problem-solving becomes collaborative
They develop confidence in their thinking
Your relationship deepens

Your child is already making perfect sense. You just need to learn their language.

The next time they do something seemingly inexplicable, take a breath and ask yourself: "How does this make perfect sense from their perspective?"

The answer is always there—you just have to know where to look.